this is it..

can i just die? from being hurt and too pathetic. i just feel like nothing. its killing me. i feel like just a pure waste of time. you, apparently, loved me but your trying to get rid of me completely from your life? how can i believe anything you've said? you wanted me to know so bad that you loved me but that can't be true. if it were true it would be alot harder for you to just kick me out like this. you would want to talk to me, you wouldn't be able to do this. if you cared about me you wouldn't be able to put me through this kinda pain. i'll accept that its over. i clearly can't get back in. you don't want me. but how can you just extract yourself completely after a day? it hurts so much more knowing how easy it is for you. that i'm here wanting to die cuz it would feel better then this and your out havin a great time..which makes me like the most pathetic person in the world that i want and need someone so bad that really could not ever feel the same back. why am i even bothering with this? why would i even try? there is no point. you feel nothing. i'll get nothing back. i just have a void. i dont know what to do with myself. either way i feel like complete shit. i feel stupid for trying to talk to you becausee its useless and i feel so lonley not talking to you. i lose either way. i'm dying. the funny part is you tried so hard to get me to believe i was wrong when i was right all along. i saw this coming, i knew it would happen. i knew that you didn't love or care about me. i want you soo bad. you are my skinny love. i don't know how to be without you..i can't get over how pathetic this sounds..i feel like nothing..i loved you and you pulled everything out from under me..i can't not feel like this, i'm sorry...

i would give anything for a reply to this..i know its hopeless.. everything is.. everything is so pointless now.. but either way i'm here begging for any kind of response..

this is the last thing i'll say to you. i'm promising myself that. now that you know how i feel..i'm telling you everything so your "not in the dark" and so you know..i'll always hope that when my phone rings its you telling me how much you want me..thats dreaming..but that wont change..untill then, i'm done. i'll try my hardest. i'm going to forget you. i'm going to do everything to forget you. i'm not going to talk to you.. i'm going to find another way to be happy..i love you more then anything but i'm broken and i need to stop..i need to feel good, not like i want to die..



i guess this is it.
goodbye

the new era..

this is the beginning of a new era..a free era..an era of exploration...

i love you. i won't forget that. i need to figure out what i want. i need to find what makes me happy. we need to be apart for this to happen. i need to explore, meet new people, have new options. you love me but you aren't fully in it. i need someone whos fully in it and whose willing to fight and not just give up. you said i'm nothing with out a boy. you're right. which hurts. which is why i need to do this for me. i need to be strong and i need to figure everything out before i commit to anything again. i don't want you out of my life completely. i still want you around. i still want to talk to you and be there for you and have you there for me. i just need to look at whats out there. i need someone that is there 100% and makes me a priority, even if its just to kill eachother.. i need to have someone that relys on me as much as i rely on them and that wants me just as much aswell. your great but your idea of love and mine are different. we need to just step back. i need to explore my options.

love isn't supposed to be pain. love is supposed to be happy. love shouldn't cause hurt. love should be great and joyful and make you smile, not make you cry. i need to love and be happy.